Plain answers to the questions families ask us

GUIDE ONE

How to help a parent stay at home

Nearly everyone would rather stay put. In our experience that is possible for far longer than families expect, and it rarely depends on one big decision. It depends on a series of small ones.

Start with what has actually changed

Not what might happen one day. What is different now, compared with a year ago. Usually there are two or three specific things: the stairs take longer, the bath has stopped being used, the garden has got away from them.

Write them down. Those are the things to fix.

Fix the house before you talk about care

A great deal of what looks like decline is actually a house that no longer fits. Poor lighting, a bath that has become a climb, a step by the back door. Sort those and people often manage perfectly well again.

Take the small but important jobs off their plate

Grass, windows, the bulb that needs a ladder. None of these are small in their effect: they are the jobs that quietly wear people down, and the easiest ones to hand over. Getting them done properly also buys a friendly face calling round regularly, which counts for a lot.

Set up one point of contact

The exhausting part for families is not the money, it is the organising: finding a plumber, chasing him, checking he came. One point of contact removes most of that.

Leave the decisions with your parent

It is their house and their life. Offer options, say what you think once, then let them choose. People accept far more help when it is not being done to them.

GUIDE TWO

Steadier on your feet, room by room

Have a walk round the house and look at it as if you had to do everything a bit more slowly. Here is what we look at, in the order we usually find problems.

The stairs

Is there a rail on both sides? Can the light be switched on from the bottom and the top? Is the carpet worn or loose on the nosings? A second rail is a cheap job and it is the one we arrange most often.

The bathroom

Getting in and out of a bath is the hardest thing most people do in a day. A rail in the right place helps, and a level access shower removes the problem. Raising the toilet seat height is a small change that people notice immediately.

The bedroom and the night-time route

Walk the route from the bed to the bathroom in the dark. If there is nothing to hold onto and no light within reach, that is worth sorting before anything else.

The kitchen

Move the everyday things to waist height, so nothing needs a stool or a stretch. Lever taps are easier than knobs on stiff hands. Good light over the worktop makes cooking safer and more enjoyable.

Floors and thresholds

Loose rugs, trailing flexes, a raised strip in a doorway. All easy to sort in an afternoon, and all things people trip on.

Outside

The path, the steps and the light by the door. In Devon, moss on a slab in November is as slippery as ice. A handrail and a light that comes on by itself deal with most of it.

Light, everywhere

Older eyes need considerably more light than younger ones. Brighter bulbs throughout is the cheapest improvement in this whole list, and often the most effective.

GUIDE THREE

The Disabled Facilities Grant explained

The Disabled Facilities Grant is a grant from the council towards adaptations that help a disabled person live in their home. Typical examples are a level access shower, a stairlift, a ramp or widened doorways.

It is means tested

For most adult applicants the council looks at income and savings to work out whether you contribute towards the cost, and how much. The rules are set nationally and applied by your council.

It depends on an assessment

The council needs to be satisfied that the work is necessary and appropriate for the person's needs, and reasonable and practicable for the property. That normally involves an assessment, often by an occupational therapist.

What we cannot tell you

We cannot tell you whether you will get it, how much you will get, or how long it will take. Those are decisions for the council. Be wary of anyone who tells you otherwise before an assessment has happened.

Where to start

Contact your local council's housing or home adaptations team and ask about a Disabled Facilities Grant. They will explain their process and put the assessment in motion.

How we help

We can help you understand what the grant covers, get your paperwork together, and provide the written detail and quotes a council usually wants to see. If a grant application is worth making, we will say so, and we are happy for you to wait for the outcome before deciding anything with us.

GUIDE FOUR

Signs someone may need more support

None of these means anything on its own. People have bad weeks. It is when two or three of them settle in that it is worth a conversation.

Around the house

Post building up. Bulbs not replaced. The bath unused. Furniture used as handholds. A room that has quietly gone out of use, usually upstairs.

The kitchen

Things kept on the worktop because the cupboards are out of reach. Standing at the sink for as short a time as possible. A kitchen that has become awkward to work in rather than a pleasure.

Getting out

Fewer trips out, and reasons that do not quite add up. Often this is about the path, the steps or the car, rather than the person losing interest.

On the phone

Repeating things, or being vague about how the week went. Worth noticing, worth not making a drama of.

What to do next

Talk about the house rather than the person. Ask what would make life easier. If health is part of it, the GP is the right first call, not us.

If it is practical, we can usually help, and often with less than families expect.